My son and daughter-in-law had been married many years when my son informed me that they were separating. Thinking I was being supportive, I wrote them both the same e-mail telling them that I was sad about the news but that I loved them both and would be fully support both of them in any way I could.

Evidentially my son had not informed his wife that he was leaving, so he blamed me for spilling the beans. He had not said one word about the fact that it was a secret. He claimed that I had spoiled his plans and ruined his life and that I was not a welcome entity in his life. I received a message from my daughter-in-law asking me to not contact her either.

For my own sanity, I had to make peace with the fact that this was not my journey, it was theirs and that it was not about me. I took a deep breath and tried to stand back, but I continued to send birthday cards and simple Christmas remembrances.

A year later, I learned through a family member that my son would be in my area. He did make contact, but was extremely hostile and angry. Over the next couple years, things between us thawed and we began to have cordial relationships again. I was able to fly back and spend Christmas with my son; however, things were still estranged with my daughter-in-law.

This past year, I finally received a text from my daughter-in-law asking if we could talk. Things have come full circle and it would appear that my son and daughter-in-law have been seeing each other again. The key for me and for my own sanity was remembering that it was THEIR journey and not mine. That mantra took a lot of repeating.