My older brother and his first wife treated me and our parents like second-class citizens for years, and we put up with it. Then our mother died and years later, our father became ill. I flew down to manage our father’s care and ended up staying for about three weeks. During that time, my brother (despite living nearby) did absolutely nothing to help other than to ask inappropriate questions, like "Where are the important papers?" and "Who is the executor?"

After another three months or so, I sat in the ICU and basically watched my father die, and my brother wasn't there even for that. After the will was read and everything was settled, my brother and I went our separate ways. I decided I'd had enough, that the "caring for my father" thing was the last straw. I made no overtures to my brother, I just withdrew from whatever we had that passed for a relationship. He made no attempt to contact me. (I learned from my nephew that my brother regarded himself as the injured party in our estrangement.)

I did call him once, an obligatory condolence call when his first wife died. We had been estranged for 17 years when I learned from my nephews that he had brain cancer. After thinking about it for a while, I decided I should reach out to him, so I did, and I visited him and his second wife. By the time I got to him, he wasn't really in a condition where I could have meaningful conversations with him, so there was no catching up on the previous 17 years. I stayed for a long weekend and returned home, subsequently getting regular reports from my sister-in-law.

I wasn't necessarily thinking of going back, but I heard from my nephew (who was himself estranged from his father)that my brother's doctors had recommended he cease all treatment as it wasn't doing him any good. The word "hospice" began to surface. I flew down for another long weekend and saw my brother, who at this time was even less able to communicate, though he was aware of my presence. I returned home and a week later my brother died. I have no regrets about participating in or choosing to end the estrangement.