Having own family gave understanding of mother

When I was a teenager my parents suddenly divorced. It came as a complete shock. My mother moved out with my younger sibling and I chose to stay with my Dad. I blamed her and did not visit my mother at all during that time. Late in high school and in college we spent some time together, but i viewed her as someone to have fun with, and not as a parent. After college, we would see each other occasionally, such as holidays, but I was clear that I did not want her in my life in a major way (like at my wedding). On one trip together, we had a blow-up about her partner, and she involved my sibling and other relatives who were nasty to me as a result. I saw my mother once after this, when she wanted to apologize. I felt it was “too little too late” and I ceased what little interaction we had.

Several years later, I met my husband and we were in counseling together. I started to understand that no matter what my Mom did or didn't do, that marriage is hard! I finally saw that there isn't just one side to the story and I have a much different view of things now. I am so thankful for my husband's encouragement and for the advice of our counselor that allowed me to finally reach out and reconnect with my Mom. We talk and see each other regularly bow. In fact, she recently visited to meet her new grandchild!.

I think any kind of professional counseling or ability to see my Mom's plight at the time could have helped me stay in contact with her and view her as a mother figure all those years.