I want to start by saying I am the oldest of 4 children and have been estranged from my family for almost as long as I have been sober from alcohol, which is nearly a decade. I had a terrible divorce from a women whom I share kids with. We really started out well but after a dozen years really turned into different people. She was drinking a lot to the point of a DWI, and I was a cheater and drunk who was trying to clean up his life in AA. Before I found sobriety, she had informed me that we were in bad debt so we filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy. Our marriage fell apart shortly after.
During the divorce, she really played her hand with my family and found myself estranged by their anger and mine towards them. I had little credibility with them and found myself not able to trust telling them anything, because she was all over them and she has little family of her own. She hired a very tenacious and expensive lawyer. I hired Chris Farley. We were always a step behind. But after over a year, we were able to finalize the divorce and start to rebuild.
I worked on my own case for the bankruptcy as she convinced my sister to front her money for a lawyer to sever the case. Severed cases are extremely rare and it was done to get more money from the house sale and give her attorney a chance to take my half as well for her bill. I made it out with my house money and never forgave my family for what they did to me and the way I was treated during it. Years have gone by where she still goes to all the holidays and brings my kids. My hate grew even as I was experiencing so much good growth from no longer drinking.
Now my parents are growing elderly. I know my ex still keeps close to them in order to box me out. I have spent holidays alone with nothing, just imagining the fun they are having while I sit sober and angry. I would never speak to any of them again and would rise up. It always made me sad though. What a wasted life. I looked for anything online for help and came across this book. To know that I wasn’t alone in this was like a weight being lifted.
I miss my Mom and Dad. Even with their flaws (and mine), it was killing me to be estranged from them and my sisters. I followed this and reached out to my sisters first and then my parents. It worked! I let go of it. I was genuine and focused on the present and future and not the past. I am seeing my parents this weekend just for a quick visit. Thank you and there is hope for the hopeless. There is a power above that will guide you if you try!